It's been a long time since I've been on here, but I have learned so much about myself, life, and Jesus these past few months it'd be selfish not to share. If you are about to start college, in the midst of college, out of college, or any part of your life with trial this is a verse you should keep close to your heart --
"Get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you. Do not merely listen to the word and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says." James 1:21-22
I've always been one to do the right thing and be a good girl, not because I was following Christ, but because it made my parents, family, and friends happy and it made me feel good about myself. But a few days after my parents dropped me at college, I broke down in tears sitting alone in my dorm. I wasn't homesick, or upset with my college decision, I was scared, in fact, I was terrified. No longer did I have to do the right thing to impress people in my life. I didn't know why I should do the right thing anymore. I didn't know what I was living for. I realized that in this dorm, I could do so much bad and I could let evil into my life. I knew temptation was about to come. I knew I had to be all in with Jesus. I didn't have a curfew, or rules, or my parents asking me how my night went when I got home. I had freedom and I was extremely afraid.
I hadn't been in The Word all summer and I was out of prayer, two things anyone should be actively doing before big life changes, like college. Instead of turning to The Word and prayer in that moment, I distracted myself by getting on my phone, watching Netflix, and hanging out with friends. I should have brought this fear before God, but instead I kicked it under the rug.
I've always heard the first two weeks of college determine the rest of your college experience. That's half true. With God, there is always redemption and a new day, so even if you have the worst first two weeks, you can start new. But I do believe the first two weeks start good or bad habits. In my case, they started bad habits.
When I reflect on my first semester I see how selfish I was. I was thinking I want this sorority, How can I get more friends, How can I get this grade, I want to have fun Friday night, How can I be liked, I want a cute date to the social, I want this, I want that, I want to be successful. My thoughts were all about me, myself, and I. I wasn't thinking what God wanted for me and how I could glorify God with my choices and actions. My choices were based on my best interest, not God's.
My fear of freedom that I kicked under the rug, came back no surprise, and mixed with my selfish heart. I had the freedom to make decisions. Back home I'd make decisions based off of what my parents wanted and even then that was wrong. All along I should have been making decisions based off of what God wants and what Jesus would do. So when I didn't have my parents to come home to, I started making decisions to impress people around me, and that never goes well.
This Christmas Break and being away from the chaos has brought me back to the Truth. God is always near. Jesus loves me. And I must glorify God with my words, thoughts, choices, and actions. Two things that always bring me back to my fire for Christ is getting coffee with my dad and listening to worship music in the car.
I go back to college in less than a week and I'm ready to conquer this semester for God's glory. I challenge myself and YOU to be in The Word and prayer in times of trial, and even in the good times. Satan will rob you and I of joy by tempting us with worldly desires. In college those temptations are bigger and more frequent than high school. It's a different ball game in college.
I will start listening to more worship music in the car and even though I can't get coffee with my dad, I will call him more often because whenever he talks you can see and feel his fire for Jesus. It always brings me back to a humble place. (And I will call my mom more often because she always keeps me on track).
Surround yourself with people who love Jesus and can hold you accountable. Guard your heart. Prayer often. And wake up saying Not today Satan.
Romans 12:2 says "Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will."
xoxo,
em
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